Hi
there...this is me. Mom said I got all the good
looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound.
Girls make spit roll down my chin.
This
is my mom. She has lots of boyfriends. One of them
even has a job.
This
is my brother Hank. He is in jail right now. When he
gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and
kitchen appliances.
My cousin Gerald graduated
from high school when he was 23 and now fixes the
ice cream machine at the Tasty Freeze.
This is my half-brother Doug, or as we call him,
Dumptruck Doug. He got run over real bad by a
dumptruck when he was 9 and he scares all the
other kids in the trailer park now.
My great aunt Rosie used to work in the beauty
shop on County Road B until they made her stop
going there. She now makes all the corpses pretty
at the funeral home after they get hit by cars on
County Road B.
My
grandma lives with us in our trailer. She smells
real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink
beer.
My
mom says she is almost positive this is my dad. He
lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he
gets out in 55 years we are going fishing.
This
is my dad’s truck. The bloodstains inside are almost
all gone.
This
is our trailer in the park. It is a "high rise" and
is the fanciest trailer in the whole county.
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was
licking an egg beater after mom made a cake and my
cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
My older sister Tulula stopped liking boys and
just likes girls now. She spends all her money on
Red Bull and meth and beats up tourists that stop
at the Gas and Go.
We
are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27
and already is in the 4th grade. He wants to be a
Doctor and can write his own name.
My
half brother JimBob and his wife. She is a hottie.
They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not
allowed to have children.
This
is my older sister Sue Ellen. She has 15 kids and
they all look different. We depend on her welfare
check to get by. She has a disease that makes her
itch.
Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down
by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking
a bath.
This
is Michael. He used to be my best friend but got
killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his
underwear.
These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be
3 of them. Mom says we can't throw heavy stuff no
more.
Jake
holds the park record. He once jumped over 7
trailers. Jake crashed a lot and talks real slow
now. His doctor told him to wear a helmet.
This
is my Uncle Marky. He sells perfume in a department
store and my mom says if I study real hard in school
I can become just like him.
